According to psychologists, overcoming a break-up may take from three months to three years. Sometimes, however, we don’t go through all stages of healing, from denial to acceptance, because we hold on to memories. Give yourself an opportunity to live out the unexpressed emotions, and honestly answer the question: what do I want? To forgive and let go? To get back to the old relationship? Or to go on living in a world of fantasy? Once you understand why it’s so hard to say goodbye to the past, you can let it go.
The impact of a traumatic experience can also be revealed indirectly. For example, you may choose partners of the same type as before, or your relationships may develop in a similar pattern: they end quickly or encounter the same problems. You involuntarily begin to think that there is something wrong with you. However, this is a false belief based on subjective impressions. You can find out the reason behind this using the facts (for example, “I used to choose those who had different ideas about relationships”), and find an independent source of joy and life energy. This can be your favorite hobby, talking to your loved ones, taking care of your body, beauty, and personal development. When you start investing in yourself and are enjoying life without a partner, the right people start coming your way.
Think about what you can — and want to give to your partner
First off, you need to really think about your next relationship. How much time are you willing to invest into it? Do you have strength for a passionate, all-consuming love bond, or is a calm and peaceful relationship what you need at the moment? What would (or wouldn’t) you do for your partner? Remember that your comfort zone and capabilities have their limits.
Make room for a new person
It’s not about moving in or your busy schedule, but about your inner freedom from other people’s influence, your parents’, for example. Experts point out that a very close bond with your mother often stands in the way of a happy relationship. To change this, learn to be independent from your mother’s opinion and defend your right to personal time and choice (Don’t stop loving your mother, though.)
Get rid of stereotypes
It is natural for us to focus on those we are accustomed to; not only the people who are similar to us, but also our opposites. The problem is that sometimes this trend becomes destructive and overwhelming. Try to change your strategy in such case. For instance, take the initiative if you have always expected it from others, or sign up for a dating app if you previously thought they are not for serious relationships. Take a closer look at someone who is not your type. Such person may appear more attractive than even those who would typically knock you off your feet immediately.
Change your attitude to dating
If you don’t want your dating to be a boring routine, don’t treat it as a duty, but rather as a rewarding experience. Did you know that dating benefits your health? Several studies have shown that strong social bonds indirectly strengthen your immunity system, reduce the risk of heart disease and cancer, and increase stress resistance.
Don’t be afraid of feeling insecure
Changes are always stressful, and a new relationship is a big change indeed. Admit this to yourself and don’t hide your excitement. Honesty is the only thing to worry about in the early stages of a relationship. This is the point when you start making important agreements that will define your love bond. If you want it to be strong, stay honest about your values and your doubts. In short, don’t be afraid to open up to new relationships. Your true love may be just a click away! We recommend that you take the first step and download Flirtini.